Spoony's Recaps

Post some of Spoony's recaps here (Boredwalk empirezzz, Luck, etc.)

Boredwalk Nightmarezzz

During Episode 132, Julie read out the following:

We’re a minute in and half-face has sawed someone’s head off. This is going to be a long season. Nucky opened up a dance studio and he likes to watch the girls practice from behind a curtain. Gretchen Moll became a full on junkie between the seasons and she’s doing sex stuff to pay the rent. Al Capone wrestles his brother on the floor while he slaps him with a shoe and Sweetback cuts someone else’s head off with a bottle for touching his privates in a sex game. Here’s where we shift into the nightmare territory. Nucky takes his hat off and where his hairline is supposed to be is a row of long teeth that wraps around his head that forms a gaping, snapping mouth. It whispers a name. It’s a girl’s name, a name for a girl that hasn’t been born yet, a name I wanted for my own daughter. All Nucky’s head mouth whispers this name again and again as the credits roll.

Chris 'Spoony' Spooner has taken to blending his own nightmares with his Boredwalk Empirezzz recaps. During Episode 136, Julie read out the following:

"Nucky’s nephew is in a jam. He stole some booze and made a classmate shit himself to death because he hated him. Michael Shannon fell in with a bad crowd and now he’s doing coke with Al Capone. J Edgar Hoover had Nucky’s butler tied to a chair and has some kid punch him until he barfs [laughs]. Gretchen Mol’s child custody hearing didn’t go well so she smashed a glass, touched a dick, and peaced out to score some smack. The Untouchables show up and shoot up Al Capone’s brother; they show him the Chicago way. I can taste bile. When Nucky’s butler is finally let go, he goes back home to Nucky. The bile is starting to rise in my throat. I can’t hold it down and it’s bubbling out of my mouth and flowing harder and harder, and it’s thick and black and it’s collecting and splattering all over the floor [Oh Spoony...]. I can feel masses and shapes coming up as well. They collect in the black puddle and coalesce into something that’s moving and squirming. It’s beginning to sound like a shriek and scream and the bile won’t stop pouring out of my mouth and the wailing is becoming deafening. Nucky wants to know where the butler’s been and why his shoes are covered in bile, so the butler jumps out the window."

Episode 138, It's Spoony's Birthday and he provides another recap for Julie to read out:

We have a new Boredwalk Nightmarezzz recap from Spoony, the birthday boy. As you know I force Chris Spoony Spooner to watch Boredwalk Empirezzz every week and recap what happened. He has since taken to combining recaps of the episodes with his dreams. Here’s this week’s recap:

Nuky is just back from Florida where he has been going to alligator fights and fucking Patricia Arquette’s shotgun. Now he has to hang out with drop out nephew. Nephew was in class and heard a poem that was so scary he quit school. Chalky is hiring singers from Jeffrey Wright who is kind of a proto five percenter and is in it for the Libyans. Chalky is having sex with the singers. The singers are watching Wright’s murder chest scars. Gretchen Moll is going through junk withdrawal and Al Capone is shooting all the cops and Irishmen he can get his hands on. It’s all really busy and it doesn’t slow down until Rufus kills a priest from his church because Rufus is up to no good.

I don’t know who Rufus is. Spoony you never introduced who Rufus was, as far as I’m concerned he’s a bull Mastiff Just before the priest dies he starts speaking Latin. The words are old, older than any language spoken today. They speak of ancient gods and grudges long forgotten by anyone alive today. For a moment the priest sees beyond the boundaries of this dimension and sees the future bathed in blood by she-priestess bathed in blood and wrapped in the skin of those who disbelieved soon to be born. She’ll open the thin membrane that separates our world form the hungry others that howl in space just beyond our sight.

Here goes, Spoony’s latest recap Episode 187,:

Chalky escaped his chain gang with a simple man who had a dent in his head from being kicked by a horse. The man with a dent in his head did not know what was up with phones so he kept Chalky around for that kind of thing. They break into a house with a woman and a teenage girl inside because Denty is sure there’s a safe in there they can rob. Sure enough phones fuck it up for them. And Chalky has to finish the job that a horse started all of those years ago by bashing his head in with a hammer. Deny was getting too creepy with the women. The women are ungrateful

Patricia Arquette is gunned down by the Cuban army in the street. In a flashback Little Nucky gets in trouble with adults for breaking into a hotel in the off-season to look at the toilets and take a bath. In Chicago Al Capone is watching movies of himself and clapping and singing along while doing tons of blow. When one of his henchmen makes a bad move he beats him to death with a toy that Lucky Luciano gave him. He beats him with a sharp pointed toy and doesn’t stop until everything is covered in blood, his face, his cigar, and all of the toys are covered in blood. Henchmen scrub the toys and try to make everything the way it was but there is so much blood. You can’t play with toys that are so bloody it makes no sense.