Listeners' Favorite Monologue Quotes

Episode 135 When suggesting ideas for new HWYWiki content, Julie stated: "Favorite Monologue Quotes. Why not? These make me feel good when I don't want to Google my exes. You know what that's called? Dialing Pain".

Episode 135 @_andrewjohnston tweeted that his favorite line of Julie's monologue was: "I picture Alec Baldwin reading the Grey Lady - and that's the only grey lady in his life"[1]

Episode 95 Referring to the movie The Guilt Trip: "...and his mom says, 'Oh, Wal-Mart! My son, I'm so proud, he has a meeting at Wal-Mart!' That's a dumb person thing to say. That doesn't make sense. I could get a meeting at Wal-Mart. Could I get a meeting at Wal-Mart? How long would it take for me to get a meeting at Wal-Mart, now that I'm thinking about it? Would they Google me? Would they be like 'mmm...not her'? That'd be flattering. People who are paranoid are, ultimately, just like, not spinning it right."

Episode 83 Julie astutely observed: “Anthony Bourdain and his television show, it’s like the living equivalent of The Doors. And Ottavia Bourdain said something on Twitter this week about how she was, like, running out of toilet paper ‘cause she had the shits or something like that. (sighs) Oh boy. And we think Honey Boo Boo is the problem."

Episode 97 “I helped myself to a glass of milk. Isn’t that disgusting? Isn’t that, like, the weirdest, creepiest thing you’ve ever heard of, like, a grown woman drinking a glass of milk? In the commissary area of a workplace that isn’t hers? I would’ve called the cops, if I’d worked there and passed me: ‘glug glug glug glug,’ 2% too, ‘glug glug glug glug glug.’”

Episode 2 "I watched two Stanley Kubrick movies in a row, which is not...(pause)...that's me in a bad place."

Episode 2 "I think Bill Maher and Anthony Bourdain should have an asshole-off."

Episode 30 While discussing Nancy Grace's nip slip on DWTS: "Nancy Grace's nipple was the other...[sigh]...thing we all had in our eyeballs earlier this week. Here's the anatomy lesson America, that was an aereola. That was like a purple, wine-stained...saucer...of Nancy."

Episode 30 "Emotionally, Americans never mature past the bratty, Christmas-list making children...that all of us...are."

Episode 30 Regarding Dr Phil (McGraw): "He doesn't seem like a shrink, he seems like a country doctor, who will make a house call...or a barn call...and check on your mule, whose been acting funny."

Episode 131 "Here's a fun game: Which Manson family member is your cat? Mine is Ruth Ann, because he's very beautiful and young, but I could be wrong, he might be Diane Lake.

Episode 131 "I want a BOYFRIEND! I said it! It feels so good to FINALLY SAY IT!"

Episode 131 Regarding HWYWiki: "This is your playground, goddam it. Is there a message board on here? I don't know, there should be. Look, you guys should meet each other, and be comfortable with each other and love each other. Should there be sex? Yes, yes there should be sex."

Episode 127 "How dare you be called Mumford and Sons and not be a yogurt shop made up to look like a country store."