Episode 40: "Twittertudes"

Date

Dec 9, 2011

Guests

Ari Graynor
Kristen Schaal

Origin of the episode title

Julie says she would like to see Kristen Schaal host a show called "Twittertudes," which, you already know the premise if you think about it for like a second. So it's that, but also Schaal would wear a long blazer and no pants.

Discussed

On this week's episode of How Was Your Week, the hilarious and adorable KRISTEN SCHAAL joins Julie to discuss the best and worst Christmas gifts she's ever received, her hatred of high-heeled shoes, and the hazards of tweeting about our president after drinking a martini.

Then, the gorgeous comic actress ARI GRAYNOR talks about her new film, The Sitter, what it's like to be typecast as "the girl who receives oral sex in the first scene of things," getting brutal notes from Woody Allen, and how Barbra Streisand makes an entrance on set.

Also, Julie relays a disconcerting, perhaps too-long story about an idiot in a dog park who didn't understand what Basset Hounds are really about, reveals the size of Spanx she wears, explains why she's fun to have at a party, and joyfully relays Spoony's Boardwalk Empire recaps for your pleasure.

Trivia

• Julie opens the episode a rendition of "All I Want For Christmas Is You"/"All I Want For Dinner Is Stew" and it's amazing.
• The people who deserve to die are: war criminals and people who tweet Julie when she tweets about not being able to sleep.

Download the Episode

Episode Link

Monologue Transcript== **Pending**

[Julie singing to the tune of “All I want for Christmas”]

Make my wish come true Baby all I want for Christmas is youuuuuu Ooooo All I want for dinnerrrrrr issssssssss stew

Thank you, thank you very much. Hello everybody. Julie Klausner here for another episode of How Was Your Week. That was Mar--- How is that not? Thank you, please stop applauding, it’s a podcast, no one can hear you.

I am always agog or a-gasped or both as to uh How was that not..How was that not written by WHAM! ? that that song… that lovely tune..made popular by Maria Corey

I am in, you know what I’m in, frankly, a Holidaze…D-A-Z-E bec--Are you like me? Are you tearing out your hair, in a matter not unlike a mentally ill person? Around this time of year. Right? Is this stressful or is this stressful?

I feel like in my head. It’s. As I speak to you now it’s December 8th, Thursday night, as your listening now it’s December 9th but it may as well be next year already. Where did December go? It’s still here, but in our heads, it’s OVER. Because we pack things in. and then OH!

So this week is been busy for me, and this next week I think is also gonna be busy in terms of work.. then it will be NOTHING! Everyone will be gone. It will just be, the only thing you’ll be able to hear instead of your blood charging your ears. Charging? Rushing..your ears? Which is a normal stress response, I’ve decided to tell myself. Uh all you’ll be able to hear in a couple of weeks are the echoes of your own loneliness. OR your family’s criticism. That’s MY take on the HoliD-A-Z-E. But it is sort of suddenly Christmas. Now also I have so many emails..did..is this like new that I guess maybe Black Friday..I’ve never gotten so many emails from, YES from SPANX, SPANX.COM has my, they have my number, as-as-as it said. What do I wear in a Spanx? I wear like a two. Um but they also have my email. I’ve gotten more solisitis.

Also I guess it’s the beginning of the month so you get like “Hey everybody I’m doing shows this month.” [Julie stuttering] Not that I haven’t invited people to shows and I have deluged them in my past. In fact, when I repent, uh that’ll be a new fun feature on the show, “when I repent.. I will…” let’s just…of the things that I regret, it’s like over-plugging my Improv shows in my 20s. and if you’re listening and I sent you those emails from my old AOL, I really, I am truly sorry. If it’s..if it’s of any comfort, I beat myself up over it everyday.

I have been weeding through a lot of those things, and then I’ve also been uh working at home on a couple of writing things and when I’m not doing that I take these uh walks, like ANGRY walks, and then at a certain point I become less angry around ooooo I’d say like when I’m doubling back.. I guess like 45 minutes in? I just have like a natural anger level of like.. I’m gonna go back to 2 if we’re going on the SPANX scale. Which I appreciate it being very Tetris-y, if you look at the back of stockings package you could say “oh this is where I am” and it’s completely normal.

[4:00]

You know what this anger I speak of. First of all, Yes, it is legitimate rage. Because W-W-Woman is the N-word of the world, and I believe that in my heart. And as, again, I’m saying this on December 8th which I guess is the anniversary of both—According to Twitter—It’s the anniversary of both John Lennon’s death and Jim Morrison’s birth which is, first of all, way more classic rock trivia than I am physically able to process. But also, a reminder, that women are garbage. And of course I’m angry about it! But that’s not---it really has to do more with oh get out of the house and have some balance, and the sun sets at like 2pm.

So anyway, I’m on this angry walk, Sunday, and I usually end up at uhh a park, we’ll say, near me, near where I live, and I go about my business. And there’s a dog park there, obviously, and I’ll just sort of like lean on the fence and watch the dogs---in a---I don’t think it’s a pervy way—I think it’s like a nice kinda thing to do. Cause I enjoy them. I enjoy watching the dogs. And and then you know also, that’s also the thing where I peak, and then then like I’m no longer angry and it’s healthy and III am fine with it and you should be too.

[5:18]