Enemies of the Show

Pauley Perrette

[1] Pauley Perrette AKA "World's Oldest Goth" Perrette became an official enemy of the show after antagonizing Julie and marring an otherwise delightful dog awards show in the process. Julie was working the event as a red carpet correspondent and asked Perrette whether or not she was intoxicated and if she planned to steal a dog from the event by smuggling it in her dress. Perrette took umbrage at the questions and attempted to eject Julie from the event. Every few weeks, Julie offers new ruminations on this bizarre encounter and mocks Perrette from afar, inspired largely by interviews the actress has given and her tweets. She was once married to one "Coyote Shivers".

Gnats

[2] Gnats AKA "Guh-Nats". Often found in boxes of soup, which are not to be kept in your kitchen.

Patti Stanger

[3] "Patti Stang-air", the Millionaire Matchmonster. A garbage person made out of snakes. She's a matchmaker with an irrational aversion to red hair and curly hair. Julie has deemed this yenta "bad for the Jews." She wrote a garbage blog column for People Magazine "Bag of Snakes".

Mario Lopez

Frequent public binger and anti-circumcision zealot.

Jenny McCarthy

Murderer of children.[4]

Anthony Bourdain

[5] A pretentious boomer, faux-edgy television chef and total asshole. His "No Reservations" theme song may potentially be sung by a horse.

Bourdain's second wife, Ottavia, posts scholarly, deep things on the internet. Julie once referred to her on Twitt-air as "competitively dumb / shallow / famous for no reason" in response to a photo of Ottavia's abs and "The situation ain't got nothing on me" reference. Ottavia responded with an ancient, wise proverb: "If you don't like the smell of my shit get your nose out of my asshole."

Neil LaBute

[6] A fat man / 'playwright' who hates women and occasionally writes online comments in response to reviews of his own plays. Strong anti-LaBute feelings are expressed in Episode 119.

Sting and Trudi Styler

A Doomsday obsessed, potentially Raelian couple comprised of a man formerly named 'Gordon' and woman known for taking over the backs of Kashi cereal boxes. It has been concluded they fuck way, way too much.

Snakes & Liz-airds

Do not send pictures of your snakes and lizards listening to the podcast or reading Julie's books, as "it will ruin [Julie's] life."

Citi Bikes

These Hot Wheels-like bicycles ruin the view while waiting in line for Sunday brunch and make Julie mad enough to throw an orange. They are believed to be the only enemy of the show Julie has straddled.